As Giants
by J. Merrick
Summary: For they rage against the universe not as servants, but as giants. And he has been down this road before. 11/Clara, set post-The Name of the Doctor.


_**As Giants  
**__a multi-chapter story written by J. Merrick__**  
**_

Timeline and spoilers: A lot of them. Up to and including _The Name of the Doctor_.  
Disclaimer: I do not own Doctor Who.

_Summary: For they rage against the universe not as servants, but as giants. And he has been down this road before. 11/Clara, set post-The Name of the Doctor._

Chapter One

"Clara, I'm going to tell you a story about my friend, possibly one of my best friends that I ever had," the Doctor started, holding the girl in question's hand as she lay on a bed, "I'm afraid it doesn't have a happy ending, but that's what life is though, isn't it? A series of unhappy endings."

He briefly brought her hand up to his mouth as she lay next to him, sleeping.

"I met her for the first time on her wedding day, when I had a different face" he began, "she thought I stole her away. She would have gotten a laugh out of what you call the TARDIS, she accused me of basically the same thing."

He paused briefly to look at the monitor he had set up next to her bed, keeping track of the glyphs and figures on the screen that while it would have made no sense to the girl in the bed next to him, made perfect sense to his Gallifrian mind.

"She was so shrill that day," he continued, "But she had every right to be didn't she? I felt for this poor soul, she thought she had everything going as right as it possible could in her life and turns out that her boyfriend is helping the queen of an alien spider race attempt to take over the world."

He cast his mind back to the day he was talking about, the rage and pain that he himself had been experiencing that day.

"I myself had just lost the girl who I was too much of a coward to tell her how much I, well," he paused, "Well, you've been in my time stream. Everyone could see what I felt for Rose without it having to be said."

"Anyway," he continued, "I wanted to burn the galaxies down. It's only fair isn't it? Time is cruel, and I didn't care anymore."

He looked over at Clara's face, taking in the inner turmoil that it appeared in even though she was asleep.

"Then this wonderful person, she stopped me from myself," he continued on, his story taking his mind just enough off of the girl next to him that he could concentrate on making sure she stayed alive, "and told me that while she wasn't ready to travel with me, that I shouldn't be alone. In that moment, she knew we were two travelers on a similar path."

"Then I did meet up with her again!" he exclaimed with a hint of wonder in his voice, "Not only with her, but with her grandfather, who was probably the closest I've felt to having parents look over me since I was a small Time Lord!"

He paused for a moment, remembering the _other_ set of parents he unintentionally picked up and how the girl next to him had saved him from his despair about losing them.

"We traveled the entire Time Steam, me and Donna," he continued, plowing through the painful memories, "We were partners in crime, Donna and I. She had such a beautiful soul, she was filled with so much wonder, and she allowed me to feel young again!"

He leaned down close to her like he was about to tell her a secret, and whispered, "And let me tell you Clara, for someone that was over 900 years old, that's saying something, even for a Time Lord."

He suddenly sobered up, kissing her fingers as he held them, "But you would know that now wouldn't you?"

He took a deep breath and forced his mind to get back to his story.

The hardest part of his story.

"Then one day," he continued, this time looking Clara in the face as best as he could on the sleeping girl's form, "She gained all the powers and memories of a Time Lord in her mind and saved reality. In just the way you did, she stopped existence from being unmade – twice! – by taking on a power and knowledge that she wasn't supposed to know."

He closed his eyes in pain from that day, "And you know how the universe repaid her? By having me wipe her memories because she wasn't made to be able to exist with that power."

He felt the tears start to trickle at the corners of his eyes, trying his best to wipe them away.

"I lost my best friend," he continued, his voice hoarse, "And she lost the best parts of her. The universe sang songs in her name, and she could never know!"

"You see, this is how the universe always tries to reward those that save it," he raged, almost silently, "By punishing them for thinking that they were so grand that they could stand and rage against it!"

He heard Clara moan slightly next to him, and realized that he had been holding her hand tightly. He loosened his grip, and saw her relax ever so slightly. He calmed down just staring at her in this moment.

"That's why I couldn't let you go, my impossible girl," he said, softly, stroking her hair with his hand, "Too many people have raged against the universe for me and paid the price. I couldn't let that happen to you."

He looked up into the air, "Not after River. Not after Amy and Rory."

His voice hitched again, looking at her, "Remind me to tel you about those two one day. Best couple I've ever met."

He took a deep breath and continued, slightly hoarse again, "Not after Donna. Not after Jamie."

"For a minute there, I lost myself," he said, looking at the sleeping girl, "And you found me again. You found me so many times. You saved me so many times."

"You had 101 places to see," he continued, remembering the book that he had seen her carrying, "I knew the author of that, I should tell you. She would have wanted you to see those Clara!"

The tears started actually pouring over now as he couldn't hold back anymore, his shoulders now hunched as he looked down at the floor.

"I want to see them with you Clara," he sobbed, "You need to be okay. I won't let the bad things happen to you! I'll find a Big Friendly Button that can get us through this! Wouldn't you know it, if you're okay there's a Big Friendly Button!"

He silently cried to himself, not knowing what else more to say.

"There's no Big Friendly Button, Chin Boy."

His head snapped up at the softly spoken words.

"Clara!" he gasped in surprise, looking into her now slightly open eyes.

"Doctor," she said with a pained smile as he immediately stood up and started looking back at the monitor and scanning her with his screwdriver, before abandoning both and launching into an understated hug, careful of how much pain she might be in. She laughed at him.

"My Clara," he said, hugging her, "I thought I had lost you all over again."

"I thought that my story was over," she said, returning the hug with as much strength as she could muster, which wasn't much.

"Never," the Doctor said, releasing her from the hug, and looking her in the eyes, "Your story is not even close to being over."

Without thinking he dropped a slight kiss on her lips that felt like time slowing down between them.

Pulling away he stumbled over his words for a second before, "Oh, blast it."

The second time was longer, and with more passion, before they had to break apart because of a spasm of pain hitting Clara.

"Doctor it still hurts so much," she gasped out.

He frantically scanned her again, and saw that her mind was still in a war with itself.

"Clara I'm sorry but I'm going to need to put you back to sleep," he said, her gasps of paining hitting him harder than he could describe in both of his hearts, "It's the only way that your mind is going to be able to sort through everything that happened without burning itself out!"

"I don't want to lose you again Doctor," she gasped, breaking his hearts.

"You won't," he promised, "As I promise that I am the Doctor, I promise you will get out of this, and we will have bananas and souffles waiting for us!"

"Doctor," she breathed a final time, her hand holding onto his tightly as he pressed a syringe into her that the TARDIS had provided, quickly putting her to sleep.

"My Clara, you will get through this."

* * *

**A/N**: I'm a bigger fan of Donna than most people would admit, and the similarities that I saw between what happened to her and now Clara piqued my interest.

This isn't that frowny story I was talking about, but it does involve a bunch of those, and one giant happy one too.

Let me know what you think by reviewing! Thank you for reading!


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